News of Prince William and his long term girlfriend Kate Middleton’s engagement has made headlines around the world and has raised our curiosity as to what goes on inside royal relationships. The news may also cause some of us to look at our own relationships. We may wonder whether we are all the same, does royalty suffer the same hardships in love and life?
Aside from the usual questions, such as ‘Where will the wedding take place?’, ‘Who will be invited?’, ‘What will Kate wear?’, the question many are asking is ‘Why has it taken so long for Prince William to propose to Kate?’. Eight years of dating, while not uncommon, is quite a long courtship. William’s father, Prince Charles, on the other hand, proposed to Lady Diana after a few short months and we all know that marriage ended in divorce a few years after. So what will become of Prince William and Kate Middleton and what does it mean for us?
Logic tells us that dating for a long time before marriage can be a good thing. For one, it allows us to experience what it is like to be with someone and readies us for what is to come. It also allows us the time to be more sure that yes, this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For many living together provides a trial marriage before married life to work out the kinks before it gets really officially serious.
And logic also tells us that having an extremely short courtship prior to getting engaged is detrimental to our relationship health. We assume that a couple cannot know one another in a short span of time and that their marriage will ultimately end in separation. How can you be sure that the person in front of you is your lifelong partner after only a few months? To us, getting married quickly is a sign of immaturity and naivety.
According to psychology professor Ted Huston, having too much time go by before marriage can be just the same as having a short courtship. He found that “couples who either rushed into or waited too long before marriage have an increased risk of divorce. Because so many years have gone by without any change, the sudden jolt out of their comfort zones will alter their expectations, causing a rift. Huston, in another article, explains that the main reason for waiting so long is not that you’re trying to be careful but that of “deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying.”
So is there a sweet spot, the perfect amount of dating before marriage? Eighteen months may be the answer. Relationship counselor Paula Hall states that “at around 18 months, you’re just getting to the end of the first stage, romance. Stage two, reality, is just about to kick in.” At this moment, you are still very much in your happy romantic stage, but also on the cusp of realizing that it won’t last forever and that the relationship isn’t perfect. With the romance still strong, it helps you accept the latter fact. While agreeing that eighteen months may be the ideal time to marry, sex psychologist Petra Boynton differs on the reasoning, stating that those who marry in that time frame tend to be “more conservative and traditional…more likely to want to stick to their vows,” going on to say that because of their religious beliefs, they are “less likely to live together before marriage and so have a shorter courtship…divorce just isn’t an option for them.” "Less traditional couples who live together first may not feel so compelled to stay married for those reasons."
A government study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also found like results, explaining that women who lived with their future husband prior to marriage “had a 61 percent chance of surviving 10 years,” while those who had not cohabited with their significant other “had a 66 percent chance that their marriage would last 10 years.”
With these statistics, it seems that Prince William will only mimic his father. Prince Charles’ short courtship before marriage was just as indicative of divorce as William’s long, drawn-out one. But haven’t times changed? Young men and women all now consider their professions to be just as important, and often the first priority, than marriage and starting a family. After all, as technology and medicine progresses and betters our lives, we are all living significantly longer than our predecessors, giving us more time to focus on other things. We can afford to take the time to get some higher education and to start our careers. This may be good news, as researchers “say divorce rates are down for the better-educated. People with college degrees usually marry later, have better jobs, and more income.”To those now in their late 20s or 30s, like Prince William and Kate Middleton, this is the norm. With so much opportunity available marriage can be seen as a distraction.
It is not a bad thing to wait. After all, taking care of yourself and making sure you can create a better life for yourself and your family has no shame. An article in USA Today rightfully states that “today’s young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago. More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren’t making their relationships official.” People these days also want to avoid the marital mistakes of their parents. Because divorce is so much more socially acceptable, in fact becoming an unfortunate norm, young folks are wary of jumping right in. To them, waiting and figuring things out has benefits. If they know what they’re getting into, they are more likely to be prepared for married life.
While research may find that a long or short courtship is detrimental to your marriage, I am sure you have witnessed many examples in your own life that refute these statistics. Perhaps your friends have been married for two decades after dating for ten, or your parents are now celebrating their fiftieth year together after only dating for a few months. The underlying truth is it really depends on the two people involved. You and your loved one make the marriage, not the time allotted during your relationship. If your values, beliefs and outlook on life are shared, chances are you will be one of the happy ones.
Reality is a good thing. If a couple enters into marriage understanding that nobody is perfect and that it is unrealistic to always be 100% happy, then there is a good chance they will be able to work through any issues as they arise. Your ability to quickly respond and work through issues, will determine whether you are in it for the long haul or are going to quickly give up.
Remember to retain romance in the relationship and to appreciate each other, don’t allow boredom to set in. A study at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, reveals that “being bored with the marriage undermines closeness, which in turn reduces satisfaction.” So please keep some excitement in the relationship to further avoid divorce.
If Prince William and Kate Middleton understand that marriage involves some effort, that they need to continue to love and appreciate each other, to be grateful, than the length of their courtship will become insignificant.
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
Aside from the usual questions, such as ‘Where will the wedding take place?’, ‘Who will be invited?’, ‘What will Kate wear?’, the question many are asking is ‘Why has it taken so long for Prince William to propose to Kate?’. Eight years of dating, while not uncommon, is quite a long courtship. William’s father, Prince Charles, on the other hand, proposed to Lady Diana after a few short months and we all know that marriage ended in divorce a few years after. So what will become of Prince William and Kate Middleton and what does it mean for us?
Logic tells us that dating for a long time before marriage can be a good thing. For one, it allows us to experience what it is like to be with someone and readies us for what is to come. It also allows us the time to be more sure that yes, this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For many living together provides a trial marriage before married life to work out the kinks before it gets really officially serious.
And logic also tells us that having an extremely short courtship prior to getting engaged is detrimental to our relationship health. We assume that a couple cannot know one another in a short span of time and that their marriage will ultimately end in separation. How can you be sure that the person in front of you is your lifelong partner after only a few months? To us, getting married quickly is a sign of immaturity and naivety.
According to psychology professor Ted Huston, having too much time go by before marriage can be just the same as having a short courtship. He found that “couples who either rushed into or waited too long before marriage have an increased risk of divorce. Because so many years have gone by without any change, the sudden jolt out of their comfort zones will alter their expectations, causing a rift. Huston, in another article, explains that the main reason for waiting so long is not that you’re trying to be careful but that of “deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying.”
So is there a sweet spot, the perfect amount of dating before marriage? Eighteen months may be the answer. Relationship counselor Paula Hall states that “at around 18 months, you’re just getting to the end of the first stage, romance. Stage two, reality, is just about to kick in.” At this moment, you are still very much in your happy romantic stage, but also on the cusp of realizing that it won’t last forever and that the relationship isn’t perfect. With the romance still strong, it helps you accept the latter fact. While agreeing that eighteen months may be the ideal time to marry, sex psychologist Petra Boynton differs on the reasoning, stating that those who marry in that time frame tend to be “more conservative and traditional…more likely to want to stick to their vows,” going on to say that because of their religious beliefs, they are “less likely to live together before marriage and so have a shorter courtship…divorce just isn’t an option for them.” "Less traditional couples who live together first may not feel so compelled to stay married for those reasons."
A government study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also found like results, explaining that women who lived with their future husband prior to marriage “had a 61 percent chance of surviving 10 years,” while those who had not cohabited with their significant other “had a 66 percent chance that their marriage would last 10 years.”
With these statistics, it seems that Prince William will only mimic his father. Prince Charles’ short courtship before marriage was just as indicative of divorce as William’s long, drawn-out one. But haven’t times changed? Young men and women all now consider their professions to be just as important, and often the first priority, than marriage and starting a family. After all, as technology and medicine progresses and betters our lives, we are all living significantly longer than our predecessors, giving us more time to focus on other things. We can afford to take the time to get some higher education and to start our careers. This may be good news, as researchers “say divorce rates are down for the better-educated. People with college degrees usually marry later, have better jobs, and more income.”To those now in their late 20s or 30s, like Prince William and Kate Middleton, this is the norm. With so much opportunity available marriage can be seen as a distraction.
It is not a bad thing to wait. After all, taking care of yourself and making sure you can create a better life for yourself and your family has no shame. An article in USA Today rightfully states that “today’s young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago. More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren’t making their relationships official.” People these days also want to avoid the marital mistakes of their parents. Because divorce is so much more socially acceptable, in fact becoming an unfortunate norm, young folks are wary of jumping right in. To them, waiting and figuring things out has benefits. If they know what they’re getting into, they are more likely to be prepared for married life.
While research may find that a long or short courtship is detrimental to your marriage, I am sure you have witnessed many examples in your own life that refute these statistics. Perhaps your friends have been married for two decades after dating for ten, or your parents are now celebrating their fiftieth year together after only dating for a few months. The underlying truth is it really depends on the two people involved. You and your loved one make the marriage, not the time allotted during your relationship. If your values, beliefs and outlook on life are shared, chances are you will be one of the happy ones.
Reality is a good thing. If a couple enters into marriage understanding that nobody is perfect and that it is unrealistic to always be 100% happy, then there is a good chance they will be able to work through any issues as they arise. Your ability to quickly respond and work through issues, will determine whether you are in it for the long haul or are going to quickly give up.
Remember to retain romance in the relationship and to appreciate each other, don’t allow boredom to set in. A study at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, reveals that “being bored with the marriage undermines closeness, which in turn reduces satisfaction.” So please keep some excitement in the relationship to further avoid divorce.
If Prince William and Kate Middleton understand that marriage involves some effort, that they need to continue to love and appreciate each other, to be grateful, than the length of their courtship will become insignificant.
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
