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LADIES - A NICE THOUGHT GOES A LONG WAY IN LOVE


Imagine going to your closet and putting on some shorts, a t-shirt, and finishing things off with some flip-flops, then driving across town to a suit and tie meeting. What kind of attention would you attract? Or if you went to the library and screamed at the top of your lungs for an hour. No one would react positively, right? But if you were to go to a punk rock concert in your best punk rock outfit and you’d fit right in. You would meet like minded people, make friends, enjoy one another. They would trust you. This law of attraction can also be applied to your thoughts and your feelings. But most of us never take the time to think about what we’re thinking. When you start, however, you realize how you can influence the reality around you, much in the same way as the clothes you wear and the things you say out loud attracts the particular attention you seek. With this mindset, you can guide yourself into your preferred place within your love life.

No matter how you look at it, we are emotional creatures. Our emotions form the decisions we make. A woman with confidence, who reminds herself everyday of her goals and who positively focuses on what she wants will no doubt achieve. However a person who thinks to themselves, “I’ll never meet my soulmate” will always cut their chances short. Not only will those negative vibrations attract an unsatisfactory reality, they will push away the reality you really want. If you don’t send out the call, how will anyone know you’re there in need?

Before we continue with love, consider this. Many studies have found that thoughts, which translate into feelings through our subconscious, affect our physical health. A study conducted by Dr. Toshihiko Maruta for the Mayo Clinic concluded that pessimistic patients tested worse than optimists in all areas of health.

A Women’s Health Initiative study done by Hilary A. Tindle, MD, found in women that those who had the highest score for optimism were 9% less likely to develop heart disease and 14% less likely to die from all causes.
What’s more frightening is that those with a bad attitude, such as hostility and cynicism were 16% more likely to die than anyone else. Negative thoughts away from the focus of what you want leads to stress, and stress leads to lack of sleep, which leads to poor health and poor judgment, even anger and skin ailments. Bags under your eyes are the least of your worries.

So what do you do? You need to focus on what you desire and push out all the rest. I know, I hear you say, if it’s so easy, I’d be married to the man of my dreams by now. The truth is you probably would be if you actually spent the time continuously concentrating, meditating and attracting like vibrations. Be honest, when was the last time a pessimistic thought came to your mind, such as “I only meet men who don’t want a serious relationship, what’s wrong with me?” even just for a moment? Probably not long ago. And with these thoughts I am betting that you continue to only meet men who want something casual.

The secret is to focus on the outcome, the engagement ring, the marriage and the happy kids (provided that is what you want!), you must visualize it all clearly in your mind. Never let these thoughts crumble, never doubt that you will not have these things. How you think alters how you feel and how you feel about yourself is like a mirror that attracts the one for you.

This isn’t magic. You don’t have to drive to Vegas to catch the show. The trick of this law of attraction is no trick at all. When the voice in your head repeats positive thoughts over and over, again and again, what you are doing is conditioning your subconscious. Your subconscious, then accepts the fact that this must be true, that your wish for isn’t a wish at all, but a fact, a reality. And so when your subconscious accepts this new reality, your actions change. You won’t be aware of the subtle differences in your choices and you certainly won’t be aware that you’re attracting just the right elements that will help you succeed. Psychiatrist Srinivasan Pillay found that because the regions in our brains that involve INTENTION are very connected to regions of ACTION, “firing up those brain regions involved in intention will start to fire up your action centers.”


Pillay explains that the discovery of “mirror neurons” in the brain is a sort of evidence of the law of attraction. When you see someone do something, “the same pattern of brain activation that allows that person to do what they are doing is mirrored” in your own brain. Our actions, Pillay states, “cause similar action-representations in the brains of others” automatically. If you see someone smile, you smile. When you watch a man on a tightrope on television, you feel as if you’re on that tightrope. That is why often you will tell those around you,” Oh, I can’t watch.” The brain “sets up a simulation as though you are actually doing these things.” If you can concentrate and utilize these mirror neurons, you can greatly affect the environment around you, as things around you will start to mirror your behavior.

Pillay continues with another study that found that when viewing a set of “fearful faces,” the area of the amygdala that fear activates does indeed do so in observers “as if those people were experiencing fear themselves.” When the study made it so that people were unaware that they were viewing faces of fear, this part of the amygdala still activated. Pillay states that “we attract the fear to ourselves because we are connected to other people and their brains instantly.” If you’re afraid of approaching a man, not only will that display your lack of confidence, it will also be a subconscious signal to everything around you that they should not come forth. It is, to a degree, similar to a self-fulfilling prophecy. The man of your dreams has his own brain responses altered by your emotions, for while brains mirror the actions of others, “they can also mirror emotions.”

It’s understandable that negative thoughts can often commandeer your mind, we all experience this from time to time. They are strong and ever-present. The bitter memories of broken relationships can override a positive outlook. But that is the challenge of the law of attraction. Instead of worrying about an accident while on an airplane, think of walking out from the terminal into the arms of loved ones. Instead of stressing about the mountain of bills, think about a specific way you can earn enough money to take care of those bills. And to find that man you want to spend the rest of your life with, picture him in detail. Picture him finding you. Picture a life together with him. Understand and believe that it’s true, it will happen. No more wanton thoughts. No more negative thinking!
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Why Should I Be Happy For No Reason?




“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." --- Albert Schweitzer

Happiness, research has shown, is one of the highest states of the mind and is a great determinant of how you live your life and interact with other people or the things around you; it is a deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind, a mind at peace with itself and the world. Of course we are all happy for one reason or other at specific moments in time; but what happens when the source of our joy disappears? It can take extra effort and determination to get over our disappointment and move on with life.

Marci Shimoff is a New York Times No. 1 best seller of the world famous ‘Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul’ and "Happy for No Reason: Seven Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out", selling millions of copies around the world, in fact she is one of the best selling female nonfiction authors of all time. The first time I came across Marci was in the movie – ‘The Secret’ where she was discussing the power of gratitude and living a fulfilled life. Since then, I have been fascinated by her style of teaching and of course, her messages.

Marci holds an MBA from UCLA and an advanced certificate as a stress management consultant and has travels widely delivering training classes and seminars, but above all Marci Shimoff lives what she preaches. Reviews about her books and live seminars attests to this. Marci, like everyone else started with looking for what would bring her happiness until, like a bolt of lightning, she found hers. Hear her …

‘I shifted my focus to the idea of Happy for No Reason and started applying the principles I discovered through my research and interviews. As a result, my own happiness level took a quantum leap. I felt a greater sense of peace and well-being that came from deep inside. I found myself singing throughout the day and appreciating the people around me more. I knew I'd made real progress when about five years ago my friends started calling me the "joy bunny." I was as thrilled as if I had won the Nobel Prize.’

Being ‘happy for no reason’ can only happen with intention. You have to want it and work towards it. It doesn’t come by chance or mere wish. Marci Shimoff illustrates many examples from her own life and the lives of many other people who have achieved fame and fortune and yet still find themselves unhappy. In essence, happiness is not a result of what you have acquired or achieved, it comes from the ability of the inner mind to experience the underlying state of peace and well-being even when there are other unfavorable feelings like sadness, fear, anger, or hurt looming.

Getting in touch with who you really are and bettering yourself as a person depends largely on noticing how you react to situations, whether you have the ability to be truly happy from deep within regardless of your situation. Like the old hymn – ‘Count your blessings’, I particularly like the part that says ‘…name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done’. Showing gratitude for the little things you have will bring more good things into your life. It is a ‘one way street’ and has been proven to work for millions of people time and time again.

The Law of Attraction is a give and take mechanism and only functions when you radiate genuine thankfulness for all you have into the universe. To do so, you have to be happy – always. Frustration, rejection, depression, and other kinds of sad and uncertain thoughts will keep expanding like a ripple in a pool if you allow them to. The only sure way to prevent this effect is to be ‘happy for no reason’ always.

No matter where you are in life, there is always an opportunity/reason to tune your mind to positive and happy thoughts. Waking up in the morning with a sad and weary thought will make your day blue and clumsy while on the other hand, a happy-for-no-reason-person naturally wakes up happy and has a fulfilled day. It’s all a matter of choice and it’s about how you manage your thoughts.

Being happy for no reason will transform everything about your life in a short time that will amaze you. Being happy for life and living, for the little you have, for your loved ones, etc., is a great way to start. In time, you will discover that you do it naturally, that it becomes a habit, and that you are always in a happy mood. Your life will never remain the same.

Being happy for no reason is the ultimate investment you can make in yourself; the results are all-encompassing and will be reflected in how you do things, get things, and give things. Remember, gratitude is the key. I cannot emphasize enough that to get more, you have to give. To learn happiness in the broadest sense of it, start being grateful for all you have – and all you wish for; it’s never too late to start.

Marci Shimoff’s books and seminars are indeed a great blessing to all those who have read or attended. Her book: Happy for No Reason provides practical and simple steps for the reader to apply in their life to become happy on a regular basis.
Being happy is a sure fire way to invite more love into your life, after all who wants to be in a relationship or friends with someone who is always unhappy?

You can learn more from and about Marci Shimoff by becoming a member of the ‘iamgr8fulclub’.  The ‘iamgr8fulclubprovides video coaching sessions from many and various world leading experts in their field including Marci Shimoff for a minimal monthly fee directly to you, within the comfort of your own home.  We are very proud to have Marci as a contributing coach – Please check it out!.  Iamgr8fulclub

I am happy for no reason, are you?

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WHEN SHOULD I GET MARRIED? HOW LONG IS TOO LONG?


News of Prince William and his long term girlfriend Kate Middleton’s engagement has made headlines around the world and has raised our curiosity as to what goes on inside royal relationships. The news may also cause some of us to look at our own relationships.  We may wonder whether we are all the same, does royalty suffer the same hardships in love and life?

Aside from the usual questions, such as ‘Where will the wedding take place?’, ‘Who will be invited?’, ‘What will Kate wear?’, the question many are asking is ‘Why has it taken so long for Prince William to propose to Kate?’.  Eight years of dating, while not uncommon, is quite a long courtship.  William’s father, Prince Charles, on the other hand, proposed to Lady Diana after a few short months and we all know that marriage ended in divorce a few years after.  So what will become of Prince William and Kate Middleton and what does it mean for us?

Logic tells us that dating for a long time before marriage can be a good thing.  For one, it allows us to experience what it is like to be with someone and readies us for what is to come.  It also allows us the time to be more sure that yes, this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.  For many living together provides a trial marriage before married life to work out the kinks before it gets really officially serious.

And logic also tells us that having an extremely short courtship prior to getting engaged is detrimental to our relationship health.  We assume that a couple cannot know one another in a short span of time and that their marriage will ultimately end in separation.  How can you be sure that the person in front of you is your lifelong partner after only a few months?  To us, getting married quickly is a sign of immaturity and naivety.

According to psychology professor Ted Huston, having too much time go by before marriage can be just the same as having a short courtship.  He found that “couples who either rushed into or waited too long before marriage have an increased risk of divorce. Because so many years have gone by without any change, the sudden jolt out of their comfort zones will alter their expectations, causing a rift.  Huston, in another article, explains that the main reason for waiting so long is not that you’re trying to be careful but that of “deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying.”

So is there a sweet spot, the perfect amount of dating before marriage?  Eighteen months may be the answer.  Relationship counselor Paula Hall states that “at around 18 months, you’re just getting to the end of the first stage, romance.  Stage two, reality, is just about to kick in.” At this moment, you are still very much in your happy romantic stage, but also on the cusp of realizing that it won’t last forever and that the relationship isn’t perfect.  With the romance still strong, it helps you accept the latter fact.  While agreeing that eighteen months may be the ideal time to marry, sex psychologist Petra Boynton differs on the reasoning, stating that those who marry in that time frame tend to be “more conservative and traditional…more likely to want to stick to their vows,” going on to say that because of their religious beliefs, they are “less likely to live together before marriage and so have a shorter courtship…divorce just isn’t an option for them.” "Less traditional couples who live together first may not feel so compelled to stay married for those reasons."

A government study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also found like results, explaining that women who lived with their future husband prior to marriage “had a 61 percent chance of surviving 10 years,” while those who had not cohabited with their significant other “had a 66 percent chance that their marriage would last 10 years.”

With these statistics, it seems that Prince William will only mimic his father.  Prince Charlesshort courtship before marriage was just as indicative of divorce as William’s long, drawn-out one.  But haven’t times changed?  Young men and women all now consider their professions to be just as important, and often the first priority, than marriage and starting a family.  After all, as technology and medicine progresses and betters our lives, we are all living significantly longer than our predecessors, giving us more time to focus on other things.  We can afford to take the time to get some higher education and to start our careers.  This may be good news, as researchers “say divorce rates are down for the better-educated.  People with college degrees usually marry later, have better jobs, and more income.”To those now in their late 20s or 30s, like Prince William and Kate Middleton, this is the norm.  With so much opportunity available marriage can be seen as a distraction.

It is not a bad thing to wait.  After all, taking care of yourself and making sure you can create a better life for yourself and your family has no shame.  An article in USA Today rightfully states that “today’s young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago.  More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren’t making their relationships official.” People these days also want to avoid the marital mistakes of their parents.  Because divorce is so much more socially acceptable, in fact becoming an unfortunate norm, young folks are wary of jumping right in.  To them, waiting and figuring things out has benefits.  If they know what they’re getting into, they are more likely to be prepared for married life.

While research may find that a long or short courtship is detrimental to your marriage, I am sure you have witnessed many examples in your own life that refute these statistics.  Perhaps your friends have been married for two decades after dating for ten, or your parents are now celebrating their fiftieth year together after only dating for a few months.  The underlying truth is it really depends on the two people involved.  You and your loved one make the marriage, not the time allotted during your relationship.  If your values, beliefs and outlook on life are shared, chances are you will be one of the happy ones.
Reality is a good thing.  If a couple enters into marriage understanding that nobody is perfect and that it is unrealistic to always be 100% happy, then there is a good chance they will be able to work through any issues as they arise.  Your ability to quickly respond and work through issues, will determine whether you are in it for the long haul or are going to quickly give up.  

Remember to retain romance in the relationship and to appreciate each other, don’t allow boredom to set in.  A study at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, reveals that “being bored with the marriage undermines closeness, which in turn reduces satisfaction.” So please keep some excitement in the relationship to further avoid divorce.

If Prince William and Kate Middleton understand that marriage involves some effort, that they need to continue to love and appreciate each other, to be grateful, than the length of their courtship will become insignificant.

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5 Ways to Communicate Love Effectively


Long ago, when the people of Babylon set out to build a tower so high that it reached the Heavens, God came down and dispersed the people and confused their language in an attempt to stop them building, or so they say.   According to Wiki Answers, there are well over 5,000 languages spoken around the globe today.

Did you know that, along with actual verbal languages spoken in different countries; each individual also carries with them a specific language of love?  Every single person; man, woman and even child, has a specific Love Language that makes him or her feel loved and connected to their partner, friends and family.


Basic Love Languages

Author and counselor Gary Chapman concludes that each one of us speaks one of the following languages.
  • Words of Affirmation
  • People who speak this Love Language often tell their spouse how lovely they look, or their children how well they completed a task.  Giving a positive affirmation is a good way to build a mate’s confidence and self image.  We all like to receive positive affirmations; but for some, this language speaks louder than all the others.
  • Quality Time
  • Individuals speaking in terms of time greatly enjoy doing things with their mate, friends or family members.  They believe that focused ‘alone time’ is the best way to show love.
  • Gifts It is easy to conclude that all children fall into the category of Gifts as their primary Love Language; but this actually isn’t the case.  Every person in every culture enjoys having a gift bestowed upon them; diamonds ARE a girl’s best friend, after all!  But seriously, for the person whose language is Gifts, a hand-picked flower is just as meaningful as a piece of jewelry.
  • Acts of Service While some might consider this to be the easiest of all Love Languages, others will shy away immediately.  There are people out there who just want or expect their partner or family members to do the darn dishes! E.g. if you want me to know that you love me, take out the trash!  Performing acts of service for another is free and speaks volumes to anyone who uses this as their primary Love Language.
  • Physical Touch It is important to understand that physical touch does not equal sex.  Those who speak this language appreciate their partner placing a hand on their shoulder as they walk by, or to hold their hand while out walking.  Physical touch is simply about physical closeness; not about sexual chemistry.  


Making Sense of it All

Just as the people of Babylon lived with confused verbal language for some time, couples all over the world today find themselves “not connecting” due to different languages being spoken.  Over time, this leaves individuals feeling more alone and frustrated than anything else.  But the realization to this lack of connection is not always immediately apparent.
During the beginning stages of falling in love, pretty much everything our new partner does elicits good and loving feelings from us and vice versa.  Dr. Chapman, in ‘The Five Love Languages’, believes that this stage of love generally lasts for about two years.  Just long enough to date and get married, based on average time frames for marriage (whilst wearing wonderfully rose tinted glasses).
After approximately two years, the rose colored glasses begin to clear; and we revert to speaking our individual languages.  Thanks to the old adage “opposites attract”, a lot of couples will discover that they are not on the same wave length in terms of adequately showing love to their partner.  This is not a result of insincerity; it is merely a demonstration in diversity.
To determine which Love Language you speak, you simply have to evaluate the way in which you treat your partner.  It’s quite simple, really.  Do you like spending a lot of time with him or her?  Would you accompany them to the grocery store just to spend time with them?  If you answered yes, it is likely that your love language is ‘Quality Time’.  If your priorities are to prepare nice meals and maintain a clean home, then you speak in ‘Acts of Service’.
Finding your mate’s Love Language is just as easy as finding your own.  How do they show love for you?  Does your partner reach for your hand in the car or when you are walking to and from places?  If they do, they likely fall into the ‘Physical Touch’ category.  If your partner likes to bring you treats such as flowers, cards or other objects, you can be quite certain that they are a Gift speaker.
If you’re not certain which Love Language will best serve your partner’s love needs, maybe you should simply ask.  In relationships, communication is always a top priority and the best way to avoid hurt feelings.  Asking a person what will make them feel most loved will demonstrate to them how much you care; you are clearly showing sincere interest in giving them what they want and need.
No Love Language is better than any other. In a love relationship it is important to give and receive equally.  Being unsure on what to give, doesn’t mean you don’t know how to give.  When you determine the Love Language of your partner, it will be easy to keep their love bank account in positive balance through the years of a life spent together.

You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art. ~
St. Francis De Sales

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Does Great Sex Equal Great Love? It’s Up To You!



By any water cooler, under hushed tones or over loud nightclub speakers, at barbecues and celebrations, at dinner with friends, two common topics of conversation between people are often (or one, depending on who you're talking to): romantic love and sex.

If it's not complaining about your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, it's discussing somebody else's sex life.  There's no question that love and sex are significant factors in our lives.  They are the tools in which we continue as the human race.  But how important are the two in relation to one another?

When we were younger, sex and love seemed like the same thing.  “If he chose to have sex with me, clearly that means he likes me,” we thought to ourselves (most of the time we were wrong).  As mature adults (hopefully), we are able to distinguish that sex is sex and love is love.  But when the two are unquestionably linked in a committed relationship or marriage does an active sex life lead to a great love life?

Let’s look at some findings from different researchers;

In a study conducted by Denise A. Donnelly, it was found that happy couples tended to have a lot of sexual interaction and that couples who experienced a lack of sex in their relationships were “more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy.”

According to economist David Blanch Flower and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in their paper “Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study” - For women, sex may be better for their well being than money.

While many female readers are maybe laughing and shaking their heads right now, the economists go on to say that “increasing sexual interaction from once a month to once a week is equivalent to…an additional $50,000 in income.”  In this way, sex clearly creates happiness, which boosts feelings of love in a relationship; this is your cue to nudge your partner in the right direction - the right direction being more action!

Dr. Jan Shifren in her study on sexual dysfunction in women, found that of the women who experienced a lack of interest in sex, that only 12% of them found it “bothersome.”  

To the majority of these women, it was fine to them.  Their love remained. This goes to show that invariably, satisfaction in love and sex depends on the individual in the relationship.  One may put more importance on sex than the other.  This, of course, can cause friction that can lead to less romantic love in the relationship and ultimately divorce as a possibility.  But if both parties have become less interested in sex, then clearly a lack of sex does less harm.

But as they say, isn’t it true, that love is all you need?  Love conquers all?  Like gender and race.  Like a mountain of bills.  Like illness.  While you may not agree, and many will not, love can be more important than sex.

In a study conducted by Arthur Aron in the Journal of Neurophysiology, it was found that romantic love stems from a dopamine-rich area of the brain. That can explain the complete implosion you feel when you’re rejected in love.  Aron, further examining brain scans of people in love, found that new scans “after being married for decades are similar to…those who have just fallen in love.”
While love can continue forever, sexual attraction may decrease as we age, as our physical attractiveness and virility fades.  In this way, love can survive and flourish without sex, especially as we get older and our libidos lessen.  Love grows and matures.  Great love can exist without great sex.

Many of you out there will probably also speculate that it can be the other way around.  A wonderful life of romantic love can make sex better and more frequent.   The key is to realize that we are all different.  There aren’t different rules for men and women.  If you decide to put emphasis on sex, then it will have a much larger effect on all aspects of your life.  If, however, other things have top priority over sexual interaction, the lack of it won’t mean a thing, and the quality of it will only enhance your well being.

Ask yourself: have you ever left someone because sex wasn’t good?  Ask again: are there more important things to care about?  If you answered yes to the first question, then obviously to you love must contain good sex.  It’s neither a right nor a wrong answer, merely a preference.  But great sex can just be great sex and nothing more.  As a species, we’ve evolved to understand that while both can enhance one another, they don’t necessarily need the other.


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iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.