By any water cooler, under hushed tones or over loud nightclub speakers, at barbecues and celebrations, at dinner with friends, two common topics of conversation between people are often (or one, depending on who you're talking to): romantic love and sex.
If it's not complaining about your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, it's discussing somebody else's sex life. There's no question that love and sex are significant factors in our lives. They are the tools in which we continue as the human race. But how important are the two in relation to one another?
When we were younger, sex and love seemed like the same thing. “If he chose to have sex with me, clearly that means he likes me,” we thought to ourselves (most of the time we were wrong). As mature adults (hopefully), we are able to distinguish that sex is sex and love is love. But when the two are unquestionably linked in a committed relationship or marriage does an active sex life lead to a great love life?
Let’s look at some findings from different researchers;
In a study conducted by Denise A. Donnelly, it was found that happy couples tended to have a lot of sexual interaction and that couples who experienced a lack of sex in their relationships were “more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy.”
According to economist David Blanch Flower and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in their paper “Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study” - For women, sex may be better for their well being than money.
While many female readers are maybe laughing and shaking their heads right now, the economists go on to say that “increasing sexual interaction from once a month to once a week is equivalent to…an additional $50,000 in income.” In this way, sex clearly creates happiness, which boosts feelings of love in a relationship; this is your cue to nudge your partner in the right direction - the right direction being more action!
Dr. Jan Shifren in her study on sexual dysfunction in women, found that of the women who experienced a lack of interest in sex, that only 12% of them found it “bothersome.”
To the majority of these women, it was fine to them. Their love remained. This goes to show that invariably, satisfaction in love and sex depends on the individual in the relationship. One may put more importance on sex than the other. This, of course, can cause friction that can lead to less romantic love in the relationship and ultimately divorce as a possibility. But if both parties have become less interested in sex, then clearly a lack of sex does less harm.
But as they say, isn’t it true, that love is all you need? Love conquers all? Like gender and race. Like a mountain of bills. Like illness. While you may not agree, and many will not, love can be more important than sex.
In a study conducted by Arthur Aron in the Journal of Neurophysiology, it was found that romantic love stems from a dopamine-rich area of the brain. That can explain the complete implosion you feel when you’re rejected in love. Aron, further examining brain scans of people in love, found that new scans “after being married for decades are similar to…those who have just fallen in love.”
While love can continue forever, sexual attraction may decrease as we age, as our physical attractiveness and virility fades. In this way, love can survive and flourish without sex, especially as we get older and our libidos lessen. Love grows and matures. Great love can exist without great sex.
Many of you out there will probably also speculate that it can be the other way around. A wonderful life of romantic love can make sex better and more frequent. The key is to realize that we are all different. There aren’t different rules for men and women. If you decide to put emphasis on sex, then it will have a much larger effect on all aspects of your life. If, however, other things have top priority over sexual interaction, the lack of it won’t mean a thing, and the quality of it will only enhance your well being.
Ask yourself: have you ever left someone because sex wasn’t good? Ask again: are there more important things to care about? If you answered yes to the first question, then obviously to you love must contain good sex. It’s neither a right nor a wrong answer, merely a preference. But great sex can just be great sex and nothing more. As a species, we’ve evolved to understand that while both can enhance one another, they don’t necessarily need the other.
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
16 comments:
Sex definitely makes everything better. For one thing sex releases endorphins. It helps with your immune system. I know that for some reason after I make love with my boyfriend my skin is usually better than before. I feel healthier and more alive. Plus it’s just good exercise. All those calories burned lol.
I wanted to ask how the study about money, how they came to the precise number of fifty thousand dollars? It’s kinda interesting but I don’t buy it.
I’ve been feeling pretty ashamed cuz I’ve been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend because sex just isn’t enjoyable. I know I’m supposed to look past my complaints but for the life of me I just can’t. I see other guys on the street and I talk to my friends about their relationships and it just gives me fire to leave my partner for something better. But I know how terrible that sounds and it makes me feel guilty yet I can’t shake the feeling. But it’s my life and my decision and shouldn’t I be able to do what I truly want? I don’t want to hurt him but I also can’t stand being in this relationship. Is it something with me, like I’m not mature enough? I think about maybe couples counseling or something, but I find it hard to believe that something or someone can change the way I see things, the way I feel. It’s pretty clear to me it’s damaging our relationship because I don’t like the sex we have, but he is perfectly fine with what I do.
I’ve had many partners but never really been in a real relationship. That is, committed, just her kind of thing. With most of the women it’s been pretty good, really good sex. I don’t really feel like I need that next level. I never have the desire to find a real girlfriend and be in a relationship. The sex is fine with me. Most of my friends have girlfriends or are married and they are just always complaining. No one seems to ever be happy in a relationship. So why bother? I’m not bothering. Divorce rates are high as ever. Seriously, does anyone know a perfect couple who is so in love and has no problems? Problems are all I see and that’s backed up by just listening to all my friends complain and complain day in and day out. So break up! It’s not hard. Find someone else. But then I guess that’s easy for me. Maybe it’s love that’s keeping them together, trying to resolve issues, but then if you have so much love, why are you fighting in the first place? It’s nothing but a headache. I think this is all irrelevant because it’s all just chemicals in the brain and no one can really do anything one way or another.
Sex is the greatest thing in the history of things. I wanna have sex 24/7 for real. I completely agree that it’s better than money. Though I suspect if I was broke I’d think differently of the situation. Still, let’s be honest, sex is absolutely great. If you give me amazing sex I’ll probably fall in love with you, at least for a while. I think they go hand in hand, it all feels good and I don’t think we really need to think so deeply into it.
I agree with sex being an exercise. Sometimes my girl and I will have intercourse just to break a sweat. After a big dinner or something.
So interesting! Thanks for the info!
This article is very interesting. I really can’t decide one way or the other. Sex is definitely important in any relationship. I mean it’s such an integral part. How can you be in a relationship without sex? But then I think if something happened to me or my husband, like if he had an accident or I had some disorder and we just couldn’t have sex, would we still be in love? I’d like to think so because we’ve been through a lot, none of which had anything to do with sex or the like. But then we’ve never gone without sex, so I can’t really say. Sure, a few weeks without it is fine. But years? The rest of our lives? I think I’d start o feel like something fundamental was missing in our lives. It’s definitely not something I want to deal with. Though I guess if we both got older and just got tired of the whole thing, we’d probably find something else to do. Like knitting lol.
Me and my boyfriend don’t have sex that much and it’s fine. And it’s not like he’s lying to me or anything, we’ve both just been kinda like this for a long time. I know that in his past relationships it was like this and his girlfriends had a problem with it. Obviously. And with me, I had a problem with that too but most of the time I did it for the sake of my boyfriends. They never really complained. They were probably afraid to ha ha. But yeah, we have a really fulfilling and understanding relationship. Definitely in love. I think our society ingrained in us this importance on sex and good sex that people forget it’s really a small part of things. We don’t really want kids, anyway, and people forget in the old days not having sex was the only form of birth control. So it wasn’t like an odd thing if couples only had sex once in a while, most of the time only for conceiving a child.
1. I’m a guy, first off. I just don’t think about sex at all. My girlfriend thinks it’s really weird. I’m afraid she’ll leave me because I just don’t feel up to it. I constantly have to field questions that I’m cheating on her or something or that I don’t’ find her attractive when really it’s just that I don’t have that drive in me. She can’t believe it cuz all her past boyfriends all they wanted was sex sex sex. Of course. All my friends are like that. Everyone I know is like that but I’m just not like that. It makes me feel like I’m a freak, like I’m not a real man because it’s not important to me. In fact, I never have the urge at all. It’s not to say that I’m turned off by sex, it’s just hard for me to get in the mood. At all. How can I convince my girlfriend that it’s not some shady thing I’m doing, it’s just my biology? And will that even work? She might just leave me anyway even after understanding how I feel…
Without sex there’s no physical intimacy, and that’s half of your intimacy gone with your mate. Both love and sex complement one another and you can’t have one and not the other.
Yeah, in high school a lot of us got so hurt if we had sex and nothing came of it. I hated boys for so long. Just felt used. But now I’m older and I basically do the same kind of thing. As long as everybody in the situation knows what’s up there isn’t any harm. It’s just a good time had by all. We’re in the 21st century. There’s so much more knowledge about everything that you’re right, things get bogged down and confusing but enlightening too. You just have to do what’s right in your heart.
I think for the guy with the girlfriend who thinks he’s cheating. You don’t need to be with someone that paranoid. And if she can’t accept what you’re saying there’s something wrong with her. I’m telling you girls like that aren’t worth your time. You’ll find someone who appreciates you and understands you and won’t bring you down after you expose your soul to her. If you’ve given her no indication that you’ve done anything wrong, she should not automatically assume you’re doing something behind her back. Perhaps she’s doing something behind YOUR back. Don’t let it get you down and make you feel odd. There are many other people who don’t have the drive.
If I don’t have a good libido, as a woman, is there anything I can do? Are there pills or medicine I can take? Any sort of doctor I should see? I want to be there for my husband and please him. It’s embarrassing for sure. I don’t complain and do what I can for him and he’s very understanding. In fact my love for him grows because of that. He doesn’t pressure me or anything but I can sense in him that something is empty or that he has needs that I can’t help him with. I’d very much like to give him that, I’m his wife after all. That 12% in the article about the women who are bothered, I’m very bothered! I can’t believe most women couldn’t care less about having a good healthy sex life. I feel like I’m missing so much and above all like I’m not fulfilling my husband when he fulfills me. I don’t think it’s fair even though he tells me it’s fine. I don’t exactly fear that he’ll find someone else to fulfill his needs, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but I definitely think about it out of the blue sometimes. I guess I believe you can have love without sex, but it really puts stress on the relationship. Definitely. It’s like an imbalance. There is so much strain on the family and maybe it’s just cuz of me thinking to myself and worrying. That’s why it’s important to me to get some help I think I just don’t know where to turn to. None of my friends have this problem they all have great sex lives.
If I don’t have a good libido, as a woman, is there anything I can do? Are there pills or medicine I can take? Any sort of doctor I should see? I want to be there for my husband and please him. It’s embarrassing for sure. I don’t complain and do what I can for him and he’s very understanding. In fact my love for him grows because of that. He doesn’t pressure me or anything but I can sense in him that something is empty or that he has needs that I can’t help him with. I’d very much like to give him that, I’m his wife after all. That 12% in the article about the women who are bothered, I’m very bothered! I can’t believe most women couldn’t care less about having a good healthy sex life. I feel like I’m missing so much and above all like I’m not fulfilling my husband when he fulfills me. I don’t think it’s fair even though he tells me it’s fine. I don’t exactly fear that he’ll find someone else to fulfill his needs, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but I definitely think about it out of the blue sometimes. I guess I believe you can have love without sex, but it really puts stress on the relationship. Definitely. It’s like an imbalance. There is so much strain on the family and maybe it’s just cuz of me thinking to myself and worrying. That’s why it’s important to me to get some help I think I just don’t know where to turn to. None of my friends have this problem they all have great sex lives.
I think we think we’re in love when it’s just sex. Especially for younger folks, it’s just such a strong emotion that it’s difficult to discern between the two. Some people don’t grow out of that. And so you got a bunch of insecure, angry adults walking around ruining relationship after relationship.
Post a Comment