News of Prince William and his long term girlfriend Kate Middleton’s engagement has made headlines around the world and has raised our curiosity as to what goes on inside royal relationships. The news may also cause some of us to look at our own relationships. We may wonder whether we are all the same, does royalty suffer the same hardships in love and life?
Aside from the usual questions, such as ‘Where will the wedding take place?’, ‘Who will be invited?’, ‘What will Kate wear?’, the question many are asking is ‘Why has it taken so long for Prince William to propose to Kate?’. Eight years of dating, while not uncommon, is quite a long courtship. William’s father, Prince Charles, on the other hand, proposed to Lady Diana after a few short months and we all know that marriage ended in divorce a few years after. So what will become of Prince William and Kate Middleton and what does it mean for us?
Logic tells us that dating for a long time before marriage can be a good thing. For one, it allows us to experience what it is like to be with someone and readies us for what is to come. It also allows us the time to be more sure that yes, this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For many living together provides a trial marriage before married life to work out the kinks before it gets really officially serious.
And logic also tells us that having an extremely short courtship prior to getting engaged is detrimental to our relationship health. We assume that a couple cannot know one another in a short span of time and that their marriage will ultimately end in separation. How can you be sure that the person in front of you is your lifelong partner after only a few months? To us, getting married quickly is a sign of immaturity and naivety.
According to psychology professor Ted Huston, having too much time go by before marriage can be just the same as having a short courtship. He found that “couples who either rushed into or waited too long before marriage have an increased risk of divorce. Because so many years have gone by without any change, the sudden jolt out of their comfort zones will alter their expectations, causing a rift. Huston, in another article, explains that the main reason for waiting so long is not that you’re trying to be careful but that of “deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying.”
So is there a sweet spot, the perfect amount of dating before marriage? Eighteen months may be the answer. Relationship counselor Paula Hall states that “at around 18 months, you’re just getting to the end of the first stage, romance. Stage two, reality, is just about to kick in.” At this moment, you are still very much in your happy romantic stage, but also on the cusp of realizing that it won’t last forever and that the relationship isn’t perfect. With the romance still strong, it helps you accept the latter fact. While agreeing that eighteen months may be the ideal time to marry, sex psychologist Petra Boynton differs on the reasoning, stating that those who marry in that time frame tend to be “more conservative and traditional…more likely to want to stick to their vows,” going on to say that because of their religious beliefs, they are “less likely to live together before marriage and so have a shorter courtship…divorce just isn’t an option for them.” "Less traditional couples who live together first may not feel so compelled to stay married for those reasons."
A government study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also found like results, explaining that women who lived with their future husband prior to marriage “had a 61 percent chance of surviving 10 years,” while those who had not cohabited with their significant other “had a 66 percent chance that their marriage would last 10 years.”
With these statistics, it seems that Prince William will only mimic his father. Prince Charles’ short courtship before marriage was just as indicative of divorce as William’s long, drawn-out one. But haven’t times changed? Young men and women all now consider their professions to be just as important, and often the first priority, than marriage and starting a family. After all, as technology and medicine progresses and betters our lives, we are all living significantly longer than our predecessors, giving us more time to focus on other things. We can afford to take the time to get some higher education and to start our careers. This may be good news, as researchers “say divorce rates are down for the better-educated. People with college degrees usually marry later, have better jobs, and more income.”To those now in their late 20s or 30s, like Prince William and Kate Middleton, this is the norm. With so much opportunity available marriage can be seen as a distraction.
It is not a bad thing to wait. After all, taking care of yourself and making sure you can create a better life for yourself and your family has no shame. An article in USA Today rightfully states that “today’s young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago. More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren’t making their relationships official.” People these days also want to avoid the marital mistakes of their parents. Because divorce is so much more socially acceptable, in fact becoming an unfortunate norm, young folks are wary of jumping right in. To them, waiting and figuring things out has benefits. If they know what they’re getting into, they are more likely to be prepared for married life.
While research may find that a long or short courtship is detrimental to your marriage, I am sure you have witnessed many examples in your own life that refute these statistics. Perhaps your friends have been married for two decades after dating for ten, or your parents are now celebrating their fiftieth year together after only dating for a few months. The underlying truth is it really depends on the two people involved. You and your loved one make the marriage, not the time allotted during your relationship. If your values, beliefs and outlook on life are shared, chances are you will be one of the happy ones.
Reality is a good thing. If a couple enters into marriage understanding that nobody is perfect and that it is unrealistic to always be 100% happy, then there is a good chance they will be able to work through any issues as they arise. Your ability to quickly respond and work through issues, will determine whether you are in it for the long haul or are going to quickly give up.
Remember to retain romance in the relationship and to appreciate each other, don’t allow boredom to set in. A study at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, reveals that “being bored with the marriage undermines closeness, which in turn reduces satisfaction.” So please keep some excitement in the relationship to further avoid divorce.
If Prince William and Kate Middleton understand that marriage involves some effort, that they need to continue to love and appreciate each other, to be grateful, than the length of their courtship will become insignificant.
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
Aside from the usual questions, such as ‘Where will the wedding take place?’, ‘Who will be invited?’, ‘What will Kate wear?’, the question many are asking is ‘Why has it taken so long for Prince William to propose to Kate?’. Eight years of dating, while not uncommon, is quite a long courtship. William’s father, Prince Charles, on the other hand, proposed to Lady Diana after a few short months and we all know that marriage ended in divorce a few years after. So what will become of Prince William and Kate Middleton and what does it mean for us?
Logic tells us that dating for a long time before marriage can be a good thing. For one, it allows us to experience what it is like to be with someone and readies us for what is to come. It also allows us the time to be more sure that yes, this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For many living together provides a trial marriage before married life to work out the kinks before it gets really officially serious.
And logic also tells us that having an extremely short courtship prior to getting engaged is detrimental to our relationship health. We assume that a couple cannot know one another in a short span of time and that their marriage will ultimately end in separation. How can you be sure that the person in front of you is your lifelong partner after only a few months? To us, getting married quickly is a sign of immaturity and naivety.
According to psychology professor Ted Huston, having too much time go by before marriage can be just the same as having a short courtship. He found that “couples who either rushed into or waited too long before marriage have an increased risk of divorce. Because so many years have gone by without any change, the sudden jolt out of their comfort zones will alter their expectations, causing a rift. Huston, in another article, explains that the main reason for waiting so long is not that you’re trying to be careful but that of “deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying.”
So is there a sweet spot, the perfect amount of dating before marriage? Eighteen months may be the answer. Relationship counselor Paula Hall states that “at around 18 months, you’re just getting to the end of the first stage, romance. Stage two, reality, is just about to kick in.” At this moment, you are still very much in your happy romantic stage, but also on the cusp of realizing that it won’t last forever and that the relationship isn’t perfect. With the romance still strong, it helps you accept the latter fact. While agreeing that eighteen months may be the ideal time to marry, sex psychologist Petra Boynton differs on the reasoning, stating that those who marry in that time frame tend to be “more conservative and traditional…more likely to want to stick to their vows,” going on to say that because of their religious beliefs, they are “less likely to live together before marriage and so have a shorter courtship…divorce just isn’t an option for them.” "Less traditional couples who live together first may not feel so compelled to stay married for those reasons."
A government study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also found like results, explaining that women who lived with their future husband prior to marriage “had a 61 percent chance of surviving 10 years,” while those who had not cohabited with their significant other “had a 66 percent chance that their marriage would last 10 years.”
With these statistics, it seems that Prince William will only mimic his father. Prince Charles’ short courtship before marriage was just as indicative of divorce as William’s long, drawn-out one. But haven’t times changed? Young men and women all now consider their professions to be just as important, and often the first priority, than marriage and starting a family. After all, as technology and medicine progresses and betters our lives, we are all living significantly longer than our predecessors, giving us more time to focus on other things. We can afford to take the time to get some higher education and to start our careers. This may be good news, as researchers “say divorce rates are down for the better-educated. People with college degrees usually marry later, have better jobs, and more income.”To those now in their late 20s or 30s, like Prince William and Kate Middleton, this is the norm. With so much opportunity available marriage can be seen as a distraction.
It is not a bad thing to wait. After all, taking care of yourself and making sure you can create a better life for yourself and your family has no shame. An article in USA Today rightfully states that “today’s young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago. More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren’t making their relationships official.” People these days also want to avoid the marital mistakes of their parents. Because divorce is so much more socially acceptable, in fact becoming an unfortunate norm, young folks are wary of jumping right in. To them, waiting and figuring things out has benefits. If they know what they’re getting into, they are more likely to be prepared for married life.
While research may find that a long or short courtship is detrimental to your marriage, I am sure you have witnessed many examples in your own life that refute these statistics. Perhaps your friends have been married for two decades after dating for ten, or your parents are now celebrating their fiftieth year together after only dating for a few months. The underlying truth is it really depends on the two people involved. You and your loved one make the marriage, not the time allotted during your relationship. If your values, beliefs and outlook on life are shared, chances are you will be one of the happy ones.
Reality is a good thing. If a couple enters into marriage understanding that nobody is perfect and that it is unrealistic to always be 100% happy, then there is a good chance they will be able to work through any issues as they arise. Your ability to quickly respond and work through issues, will determine whether you are in it for the long haul or are going to quickly give up.
Remember to retain romance in the relationship and to appreciate each other, don’t allow boredom to set in. A study at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, reveals that “being bored with the marriage undermines closeness, which in turn reduces satisfaction.” So please keep some excitement in the relationship to further avoid divorce.
If Prince William and Kate Middleton understand that marriage involves some effort, that they need to continue to love and appreciate each other, to be grateful, than the length of their courtship will become insignificant.
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
20 comments:
There is no question that marrying after knowing someone for a short time is a terrible terrible idea. I don’t know anyone who’s lasted like that. How can you get to know someone and be sure you wanna spend the rest of YOUR LIFE with that one person after a few months? It’s quite impossible. You are naïve if you think love at first sight is real. It’s not.
The trick is to continue to live like you are dating. So important to take yoru spouse out on dates, be lovey dovey and never let the spark go out. It’s true you have to always work at it. Fight hard and play hard and always know you truly love one another. That’s it. Work work work at it.
I think the older generation just stuck together because divorce was taboo. They weren’t happy in their marriages, they were just taught to accept it and keep it in the bedroom most likely. Our outlooks have definitely changed. We don’t think like they used to, less conservative.
My parents met and dated for a few months before my dad proposed. It was normal. It was customary. Yeah maybe divorce was a little less acceptable back then, but I can’t see that when I see my parents, who are still very happily married. My dad is a goofball and my mom is like the man of the house. They complement each other very well.
Also to defend the post about the older generation, back in the day there were just less options. They weren’t exposed to temptations like we are now, everywhere. Not just television and movies, but just the sheer amount of people around us from all over the world, and the fact that we’re able to travel the world and meet so many different and new people from our jobs and personal lives, it’s just amazingly hard to settle on one person when you know there’s so much more out there. It makes you question everything. I know at every corner I begin to doubt my girlfriend…
I’ve ben with my girlfriend for six years now and yeah people are wondering when we are getting married. But usually it’s the older people who wonder that. My friends and I never think about it. There’s a large proporsition of young people these days who don’t even want to get married, they don’t see the point. It’s a dead ritual. It’s just a ring. I can give my girlfriend a ring and live with her till im dead. How is getting married going to change anything? We are still in love and are together and committed. To say we’re married is just to pay thousands of dollars on a wedding for everyone else to have fun. I’d rather save the money.
when I was 19 and had two kids. Five years later the marriage was done. Now im’ stuck and I see this happening to some of my other friends and family. All the same. Many were wide eyed and naïve some got married cause they got pregnant. Either way, you just have people who either have no desire to be with the other person or rush in because they don’t think they’ll get anything else. Then all of us get divorced and then what? It’s sad and frustrating. People, just stop getting married!
I can’t believe that Prince Charles divorced Lady Diana. That’s like if one of our presidents divorced the first lady while in office. Just seems so weird. Wasn’t even sure that was possible. Looks bad for the royals.
Often people forget that William and kate broke up in the middle of their relationship. I think in 2007 or something they separated for a while. Then they got back together. So I think maybe it wasn’t as long a courtship as many think. They had time in the middle to recuperate their thoughts, see what options they had, then maturely decided to get back together because they truly wanted to be with each other. I think a break can be very good for two honest, mature people. Not to say let’s break up so they can hook up with a bunch of people and get away with it, but to really look at things, their lives and whatnot, and if they get back together, that means it’s a decision they’ve thought about. Exhaust all options.
Terry, You’re absolutely right about continuing to date. Keeping things fresh and your spouse on their toes is a great way of staving off the boredom and monotony of married life. If you always feel like you’re at the stage where your romance is blooming, everyday will be exciting.
Patricia, I’ve also known couples who had a short time together before marriage that have gone strong over the years. I think it all depends on the situation, and those people are just lucky to have met someone so compatible that their rushed engagement was not out of immaturity but absolute necessity.
Amy, thanks for that information. People tend to forget that they did indeed separate for a while, but no one knows for sure how long that separation was. In any case, it’s an interesting aside.
People aren’t getting married fast because they’re not ready. I know im’ not.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few eyars now and even though we’re pretty sure we are getting married, we just don’t want to.
We’re just very afraid of our situation now. How we’re gonna afford housing and if we had kids and on and on.
He’s still trying to find a job and my job can barely pay the car payments. So why get married right now? Being together is just the same thing.
I want to get a good foundation beneath me and my career before I advance to being a wife and mother.
I think who cares if William and kate will last? They don’t do anything.
I think having the same faith and values will help u get to the extra mile. If neither of you believe in divorce, then basically you’re not gonna get a divorce. If both of you think divorce is whatever, then clearly on the first sign of trouble, you’re both jumping ship. Just pick the right person!
Kacey, it will be very interesting to see how statistics on marriage and relationships will change due to the current economic environment. Will it increase or decrease the number of marriages, living together before marriage, singles, etc.
My boyfriend and I live in different states and that’s why we haven’t married. And it’s not necessarily bad. We have each other but also a lot of time to ourselves to really find ourselves. We both went to different graduate schools and then had various jobs going from one place to another, but we always come back to each other. When we are both comfortable with our standing in life, we will marry and have a family.
I went into a relationship real quick, didn’t know the guy very well except I knew he was very cute and had some money. I know that’s shallow but sometimes that’s all you need. Of course then reality sets in and you realize your’e married to some guy you don’t even know. Needless to say we both couldn’t stand each other after a while and separated after a year. I think that if we didn’t get married, we’d probably still be together. And then if we married after a few years, we would have been capable of maintaining a relationship for more than a second. Marriage doesn’t work.
I read somewhere that a guy that is considered to have “feminine” traits about him, that sort of marriage lasts. Not really sure why but I think it’s all about someone who is warm and kind and has an eagerness to please and work things out. Taking things day by day and not rushing or prolonging things, just letting things happen naturally I think is the best way to go about it all. Just make your man is feminine!! Just kidding.
I think Prince Harry should have kept his mother’s ring for himself and not given it to William! Afterall, theres a chance one day William will be king and Harry will just be Harry! Btw, I think Kate is good for the royal family.
Just take your time. Experience a loving relationship to the fullest and if both of you feel like getting married because you wanna be married, then do it. Don’t get married because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do or people are pressuring you or because you have a baby on the way!
My parents had a semi long relationship before getting married. They said that once they got married for some reason the very fact of being married just made their relationship stagnant. They separated, didn’t get a divorce, and after a few years of living life on their own, they got back together and have been together ever since.
I think it’s an individual preference. It all depends. There’s no magic number, if there was everybody would be doing the exact same things. Or it really just takes luck to be able to find that one person you won’t get sick of and who won’t take you for granted. I don’t know though. It all really depends.
I think it probably took quite a long time for the royals to vet Kate Middleton to find out if she is worthy of marrying into the family. Public scrutiny and media and parappazi and all that, there wasn’t anything like this compared to prince Charles and lady di. Things are just different anyway. We’ve all seen the divorce rates. We don’t really wanna become part of the statistics. We live longer, we can wait and take things slowly.
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