Desperate Love: Don’t settle for less

“There aren’t many more shopping days until Christmas.” “The biological clock is ticking.” “How many cats do you have?” These sayings seem unrelated, but they all have probably been said to someone who wants romantic love but just hasn’t found it yet. Don’t let others push you into a desperate love relationship.

Love is many things. It can feel like dancing on air or sinking into the darkest ocean. You can thank God one day for that person lying next to you and which you had never laid eyes on them the next. And this occurs in committed relationships!

You would think that love would be easier to find since it has so many recognizable faces. But, for some, it has become the elusive stranger who you only see in shadows but never full on.

The goading of others and our own thoughts can lead us to grab for anything that even resembles a love relationship. This is bad in so many ways.

Hold On

Isn’t it just the way that things happen? When you are denied something, you see it everywhere. It doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day for you to notice every couple on the face of the earth. It seems that love is in the air for everyone but you.

It’s enough to make you cry all the time but don’t lose hope. True love is not something you can pick up at the corner store. It takes time and the right person to make it work. A good number of those people you saw holding hands will be single again in less than a year. Everyone is not looking for a lasting relationship but you can’t tell that from watching cuddling couples on the street.

Love can elude us when we try to find it. It’s interesting but it usually sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Why?

People can tell when you are desperate. It’s like an unpleasant pheromone. Potential mates will run for cover. It’s not that they don’t like you, but desperation can send the wrong message and scare them way.

A desperate love situation can be bad for you too. People pray on those who will accept anything that looks like love so they can make a connection with someone.

Turn the Tables

Instead of desperately looking for love, cultivate the qualities in yourself that you want in a potential mate. Sometimes, the best course is to ignore your heart’s longings and learn to love yourself first.

This seems like a trivial point but consider the Law of Attraction for a moment. You attract to you what you give off. If you are stingy or mean, you will attract the same kinds of people. If you want love, learn to show love for yourself.

Work to stretch yourself. Become emotionally available if you are not already. Learn to be social and get comfortable with yourself for who you are. When you like who you are, others will too. And, you want to find someone who loves you for you.

Love will find you one day. In the meantime, love on yourself.

“Be careful what you set your heart upon – for it will surely be yours.”

-          James A. Baldwin

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I’m so glad we had this time together

Carol Burnett always ended her show in that lyrical, graceful way. If you have decided to end your current relationship, can you do the same? They say that love means never having to say you’re sorry, but you might have to give an explanation.

What has brought you to this point?

In many relationships a breakup can come as a surprise. You think everything is okay and then the other person drops the bomb. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, this is a common tactic used by men when they want to upgrade to a newer model. But don’t think that women can’t also employ such if they feel they can get away with it.

But, typically, people who love each other want to make a better break than that when the situation warrants it. Even in love, things can run their course. Getting out of a hard relationship is not always as easy as falling into one.

Guys – Keep it Personal

This is for the men who are notorious for trying to remain aloof as they say good-bye to their current love. Technology is a wonderful thing in many respects but it should not be used to end something that was once so personal.

The experts say that verbal communication is only about 7 percent of the equation. That still leaves about 93 percent that comes from somewhere else – mostly body language. It can be hard to portray this over the phone or in a text message. You can try to read tone of voice but even that can be misinterpreted.

If you really care about this person whom you say you love, show them the dignity they have earned by showing up and facing the situation together. There will be questions and may be some tears but it needs to be done. Now you can make a clean break with no misinterpretations or regrets.

Girls – Say What you Have to Say

As women, we are often more sentimental in relationships. We try to prolong things by fudging over what we want to say. Before you meet for the “big talk” get yourself together. Stick to your guns if you really feel that the love is gone.

Some say that departing the relationship where you began it is therapeutic. For women, this may be just the ticket to give you the strength to see this thing through. Above all, keep your self-respect. Your mate may try to persuade you to change your mind, but don’t lose your resolve.

Avoid assigning blame. This can inflame a bad situation. Make eye contact as you say what you need to say to make your position plain. Don’t mix signals. Touching and caressing (even just hands) can confuse what you are saying.

Ending love is an intensely personal situation. It can’t be handled properly over the phone or with a text message. Leave on a good note so you both have a positive outlook on future relationships.

“If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.”

-          Source Unknown

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Sex or Intimacy: Which would you choose?

Sorry, but the title is a bit misleading. You can have them both, but do you know the difference between the two because there definitely is one. And if you haven’t realized that yet, you are truly missing out.

A Manner of Speaking

When we think of sex, we speak of it in terms of making love. Many have debated whether they are having sex or making love. It may seem like simple semantics but perception is a large part of how we live our lives. Sex is imagined as base and primal. If you are ripping each other’s clothing off then you are having sex. Or, if you are prone to casual relationships, it is sex.

On the other hand, making love is referenced in committed relationships. There is another component at work besides just physical attraction. A deeper connection seems to be the difference in the same action between a man and a woman. Maybe more deliberate movements and a gentler caress are also involved.

Anyway, we said all of that to show that perception is a big part of love and the mechanics of expressing it. So, we know, more or less, what it means to have sex. It is a physical action that involves hormones and a bodily response to your attraction for this person.

Intimacy: Yes or No?

Now it’s time for something different. Many couples don’t explore intimacy because they aren’t sure what it is or involves. It incorporates more than sex.

Think of it as the difference between relaxation techniques and enlightened meditation. You reap the benefits of meditation such as lowered blood pressure and a calmer mind under stressful situations. But, with enlightened meditative techniques, you are transported to another plane of consciousness. The mind and body becomes one. In Sanskrit, it is referred to as prana. The spirit and breath unite.

So it is with intimacy. You are getting to know your partner and excite them in ways you never knew existed or could matter. For instance, surveys have shown that men will not turn down sex no matter how tired or irritable they may feel. It is more of a physical response for them. That is biological. For women, we need an emotional connection to get the body to respond in kind.

Intimacy takes both people to a different level so that both are united in body and mind for a better sexual experience. It involves many other components besides the actual physical act. Intimacy involves sensuality – turning any moment into an erotic encounter. It doesn’t have to lead to sex right away but sets the groundwork for it more often.

Heard of the Kama Sutra? Intimate moments involve light caresses, eating in a sensual way, massaging your partner, soft whispers in the ear, smells and even the way you talk to each other. A strong gaze can be sensual even.

There are levels that couples can reach that they didn’t even know were possible. And, all before the physical act ever takes place. Sex and intimacy: Learn the difference and then embrace them both.

“So enjoy present pleasures as to not mar those to come.”

-          Seneca

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Thanksgiving Enriching Visions

Here's a beautiful gift for Thanksgiving... This stunning video will uplift & inspire:

What you giving thanks for?



Thanksgiving Enriching Visions from i am gr8ful on Vimeo.

Is it Love or are you In Love?

What an interesting question. Others have posed it before. Some say there is no difference, but is that really true? Let’s take a look and you are the judge.

What is Love?

It means different things to different people. Between couples, we are taking about romantic love, Eros. You may feel an instant attraction based on their looks, how they walk or the kind of mood you’re in at the time.

This is infatuation, pure and simple. Love is a feeling that you have for someone that goes beyond the superficial. With infatuation, how can you love someone that you don’t even know?

Love is tough. If you’ve ever listened to older couples talk about the struggles they have endured in their marriages, you might wonder how they did it. You might even say they were crazy. But, love is a many-splendored thing.

Love carries with it a certain amount of responsibility. You have a vested interest in this other person. That means caring about their welfare as well as them as an individual. To that end, you will stick with them through many things because of that bond you have formed.

Love can be tenuous but it grows stronger with each new situation it encounters. You dig deep to remember what drew you to this person in the first place. Those reasons begin to change the color of the situation at hand, giving you reason to fight harder for your relationship.

Am I “In Love”?

Love has cycles. When we get to know someone, we are falling “in love” with them. Each new discovery makes us want to cling that much closer. Every opportunity to be together is taken advantage of. Remember that in your own relationship?

This type of feeling wanes but is not lost. As you get busy with the business of love (setting up house, wedding, children), a time when it was simply just the two of you and your feelings seems far off.

Kiss your partner. Really kiss them. What do you feel? What do you see in your mind’s eye? A simple kiss can warm those regions of your heart (and loins) that you thought had grown cold.

If the prospect of a night out with your partner or a few days away excites you desperately, then you have the potential to rekindle that spark. And, all it will take is uninterrupted time alone.

The Verdict

In some ways, love and being in love are intertwined. You fall in love with someone and decide to build a life with them. That love grows with each new event you share together. As that love grows more secure and stronger, you are free to re-examine what made you fall “in love” in the first place.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

-Robert Heinlein
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Sex is Not a Bargaining Chip

How often have we done this when we were dating someone? If I don’t get what I want, then neither will you. We have all done it. But, just the thought of using sex as a pawn in a game can be more destructive to the overall relationship.

When you are in a relationship with someone, sex comes along eventually as a natural occurrence. After you say “I do” many partners feel like they have hit the mother lode because they can have sex whenever they want as if there was some sort of governor limiting them beforehand.

We all have different perceptions about sex but there is one thing that we must agree on. It is an expression of deepest intimacy between two people. It links them on more than a spiritual or physical plane. The sexual bond is one where love and acceptance meet in its rawest form.

So, how can something that is supposed to mean so much be thought of in such a carefree manner when we get angry and withhold it? You are saying something detrimental to your partner when you do this. Here are some of the deeper seated meanings behind the use of sex as punishment:

·         You are being physically rejected by your partner

·         One partner is in control of what happens in the bedroom

·         Being intimate with you is not as important as getting the household chores done

Something else is wrong

Using sex as a bargaining chip is a way of avoiding other problems in the relationship. Your intimacy may have nothing to do with the issue at hand. It is being brought in as a way of making one partner stand up and pay attention to the other. When one partner wants sex more than the other, it can be very effective and, in addition, destructive.

Take a step back and look at what is really going on. There is a lack of communication elsewhere that is not being addressed at all. Before you bring the bedroom into the problem, talk to your partner.

Discussing feelings is not always easy in a relationship. To avoid awkwardness, get to the point. Say what is on your mind and go from there. If he doesn’t help out around the house, then say so. If she spends too much money, then say so.

The problem will continue to manifest itself as a wedge between you until you meet it head on. Now, you can work towards a solution.

Sex is an integral part of your union. If you feel like you are losing a grip in other areas of the relationship, deal with them as soon as possible. Then, you are free to be intimate without any strings attached.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything.

-          Unknown

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Love means…Walking a Mile in Someone Else’s Head

Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be someone else? When you look at your spouse or significant other you usually aren’t wondering this in a good way. But, learning to see things from their perspective once in a while can help you to better understand each other.

Men and women think differently. Women have known this for years but it is an actual fact. Each processes information in a dissimilar way. For instance, a woman can come into the house and see little messes everywhere that need to be picked up. The man can walk into the same house and only zero in on the clean space on the couch to sit down and kick up their feet.

It is frustrating and that tension can lead to difficulties in the relationship. But, you say, if we think differently, how can that tension be broken? The answer lies in what we are willing to do for the person we say that we are devoted to in order to understand them better.

Many times in your relationship love will be put to the test and this is one of them. A connection that moves below the superficial and the physical towards the spiritual begins with sacrifice. For once, you are going to take a look at situations from the point of view of someone else. And, you won’t be alone. Your other half can do it too.

Taking a Step Back

It is easy to blow up and yell when you come home and the house is a wreck but your partner is sitting blissfully in the middle of it all. Before any words are spoken, realize two things:

• You are tired, and 
• You are seeing things through your own eyes 

Most loving partners want to know how to please each other in their everyday life. When you don’t see eye to eye it isn’t always on purpose. It’s how we are hardwired. But, there are a few things you can try to bridge the gap.

1.Talk to your partner – Ask them what they see when they walk into the house. Many men aren’t as familiar as their female partners when it comes to household tasks. At work, they can multitask all day but at home, they need some help. Guide them by asking them to do certain things instead of thinking that they will automatically do them.

2. Be patient – It won’t be easy to get your spouse to think along the same lines as you do. It will take some gentle training on both your parts. Don’t be afraid to ask them more than once.

3. Show gratitude – When they do it right, thank them. Appreciation goes a long way in a relationship. When someone receives positive feedback, they will want to try harder and strive to please you more. This is the ultimate goal for both of you.

Want to know what your partner is thinking? Spend some time in their head and discover how they think. It could lead to a better understanding and a deeper love connection.

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

- Michael Leunig

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