After all the child-rearing, career building and home making, the person you married could be someone different now. Don’t let that scare you. Learn to reshape your love so that it fits the picture of your life now.
If you’ve made it through 20 years of marriage, congratulations! Statistics have always said that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. That is debatable because it doesn’t take into account that several factors can decrease your chances of that happening, like:
- Getting married at an older age (23 and older for women; 27 for men)
- Growing up in two-parent household
- Having a child within a year of marriage
- Religious affiliation versus none at all
There are all sorts of predictors that therapists and others use to come up with reasons for marriage and divorce. Strictly speaking, there is a 50-50 chance that every marriage will end in divorce, but you and your spouse are still the greatest predictor of the outcome of your union.
Doing the Hard Work
Marriage is about 20 percent love and 80 percent hard work. But, that may seem the other way around for those who have found a way to make their relationship work at every stage of their lives. And, that brings us to the answer to the question in the title: Now what?
Love changes, just like people do. The person you were at the beginning of your relationship is not the person you are now, 20, 30 or 40 years later. You have been matured by experience, children and the trials of life.
In the midst of all the things that you have decided to do together as a couple, the root of your love often gets trampled on. There is not enough time for self let alone another person. So, you concentrate on the task at hand.
Usually the first sense that there is a “disconnect” is when the children move out or go to college. You and your spouse are alone together a lot more. For the first time in years, you’ve had to face each other and talk about something other than kids, school and household things. This can scare a lot of couples into thinking that something is wrong; they no longer know their partner.
The truth is that you both have lost touch and that’s normal. The trick is to find each other again. Don’t jump ship; settle in together for the next phase of your life. Shall we get started?
- Act like a first date – If you don’t have a night set aside for a date night, start now. Ask each other questions. Find out new “likes” and “dislikes.”
- Make plans – What are some things that you’ve always wanted to do together that you put off because of kids and work? There is no time like the present to get the ball rolling on those ideas.
- Get away together – Take a weekend or a weeklong trip where you can be alone to rediscover this wonderful person in your life and have fun. Couples miss the fun of just being in each other’s company.
- Recharge yourself – You are one half of this relationship. You are more successful with reconnecting when you accept the changes in yourself and embrace them.
The next phase of your marriage awaits. Are you ready for it?
- Sam Keen
We at iamgr8ful appreciate you reading & commenting on this article.
