Sorry, but the title is a bit misleading. You can have them both, but do you know the difference between the two because there definitely is one. And if you haven’t realized that yet, you are truly missing out.
A Manner of Speaking
When we think of sex, we speak of it in terms of making love. Many have debated whether they are having sex or making love. It may seem like simple semantics but perception is a large part of how we live our lives. Sex is imagined as base and primal. If you are ripping each other’s clothing off then you are having sex. Or, if you are prone to casual relationships, it is sex.
On the other hand, making love is referenced in committed relationships. There is another component at work besides just physical attraction. A deeper connection seems to be the difference in the same action between a man and a woman. Maybe more deliberate movements and a gentler caress are also involved.
Anyway, we said all of that to show that perception is a big part of love and the mechanics of expressing it. So, we know, more or less, what it means to have sex. It is a physical action that involves hormones and a bodily response to your attraction for this person.
Intimacy: Yes or No?
Now it’s time for something different. Many couples don’t explore intimacy because they aren’t sure what it is or involves. It incorporates more than sex.
Think of it as the difference between relaxation techniques and enlightened meditation. You reap the benefits of meditation such as lowered blood pressure and a calmer mind under stressful situations. But, with enlightened meditative techniques, you are transported to another plane of consciousness. The mind and body becomes one. In Sanskrit, it is referred to as prana. The spirit and breath unite.
So it is with intimacy. You are getting to know your partner and excite them in ways you never knew existed or could matter. For instance, surveys have shown that men will not turn down sex no matter how tired or irritable they may feel. It is more of a physical response for them. That is biological. For women, we need an emotional connection to get the body to respond in kind.
Intimacy takes both people to a different level so that both are united in body and mind for a better sexual experience. It involves many other components besides the actual physical act. Intimacy involves sensuality – turning any moment into an erotic encounter. It doesn’t have to lead to sex right away but sets the groundwork for it more often.
Heard of the Kama Sutra? Intimate moments involve light caresses, eating in a sensual way, massaging your partner, soft whispers in the ear, smells and even the way you talk to each other. A strong gaze can be sensual even.
There are levels that couples can reach that they didn’t even know were possible. And, all before the physical act ever takes place. Sex and intimacy: Learn the difference and then embrace them both.
“So enjoy present pleasures as to not mar those to come.”
- Seneca
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