We know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but can the two ever meet on neutral territory? Open and honest communication is important between partners but how can you get there?
A History Lesson
Historically, we have lived in a patriarchal society. Men have made the rules and women were viewed as second-class citizens. Even in the Bible, the apostle Paul made a reference to women remaining silent in the company of men (1 Corinthians 14:35, KJV).
Men are seen in specific ways. They are the providers, showing bravery, courage and stoicism in the face of danger and tragedy. Even as children, boys are told not to cry and show any kind of emotion. It is considered a weakness.
Women are just the opposite. Viewed as the “weaker sex” they are allowed to sympathize. Showing emotion is acceptable for them since they are not given positions of power where it can interfere with rational thought.
It is this disparity in cultural practices that has led to some of the problems with how men and women communicate. Men see it as a sign of weakness to discuss feelings. They’d rather do anything else but that. Women feel that their feelings are taken for granted or overlooked by their partners.
Coming into the 21st century
The good thing is that men and women are not one dimensional. No one totally exemplifies the historical stereotype of what male and female roles should be. We have evolved to accept that both genders have brains in their head and something to say. Maybe all along men and women were trying to communicate behind closed doors.
Gone are the days (or they should be) when we keep silent in relationships, allowing things that irritate us to pass unnoticed. No longer are matters simply “understood.” Dialogue has to happen so that everyone is on the same page.
Honesty is important. It is hard to be completely intimate with another person if you can’t trust that they are not keeping things from you. On some level this is subjective. Couples decide for themselves what needs to be shared. We are not talking about admitting that you cheated on a test in the fifth grade, but issues that are germane to sustaining your relationship.
Here are a few tips to help you foster honest and open communication with your partner:
- Make time to talk – With kids, work and social commitments it is hard to find a point when you can just talk. Discuss your individual dreams, your future together, your sex life and anything else that occurs to you. Stick to talking about yourselves to get to know each other even better.
- Stay open minded – Hear each other out when making decisions. Don’t just dismiss a suggestion out of hand because you don’t agree.
- Tell the truth – Even if it hurts. You are feeling undervalued so say so. Holding it inside won’t solve the problem. Your partner can’t read your mind so they won’t know what’s wrong until you tell them.
It is not easy to stay open and honest, but it is worth the investment of time for the sake of your love.
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
- James Baldwin
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