Sex is Not a Bargaining Chip

How often have we done this when we were dating someone? If I don’t get what I want, then neither will you. We have all done it. But, just the thought of using sex as a pawn in a game can be more destructive to the overall relationship.

When you are in a relationship with someone, sex comes along eventually as a natural occurrence. After you say “I do” many partners feel like they have hit the mother lode because they can have sex whenever they want as if there was some sort of governor limiting them beforehand.

We all have different perceptions about sex but there is one thing that we must agree on. It is an expression of deepest intimacy between two people. It links them on more than a spiritual or physical plane. The sexual bond is one where love and acceptance meet in its rawest form.

So, how can something that is supposed to mean so much be thought of in such a carefree manner when we get angry and withhold it? You are saying something detrimental to your partner when you do this. Here are some of the deeper seated meanings behind the use of sex as punishment:

·         You are being physically rejected by your partner

·         One partner is in control of what happens in the bedroom

·         Being intimate with you is not as important as getting the household chores done

Something else is wrong

Using sex as a bargaining chip is a way of avoiding other problems in the relationship. Your intimacy may have nothing to do with the issue at hand. It is being brought in as a way of making one partner stand up and pay attention to the other. When one partner wants sex more than the other, it can be very effective and, in addition, destructive.

Take a step back and look at what is really going on. There is a lack of communication elsewhere that is not being addressed at all. Before you bring the bedroom into the problem, talk to your partner.

Discussing feelings is not always easy in a relationship. To avoid awkwardness, get to the point. Say what is on your mind and go from there. If he doesn’t help out around the house, then say so. If she spends too much money, then say so.

The problem will continue to manifest itself as a wedge between you until you meet it head on. Now, you can work towards a solution.

Sex is an integral part of your union. If you feel like you are losing a grip in other areas of the relationship, deal with them as soon as possible. Then, you are free to be intimate without any strings attached.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything.

-          Unknown

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