If you live long enough, you will have a disagreement with someone that you love. Specifically, we’re talking about romantic relationships here. Keep the fighting “above the belt” if you want to preserve the relationship.
What is it about humans and fighting? As far back as Homer’s Iliad (8th century B.C.), humans have been engaging in pugilism (boxing, to us modern-day folks). They were contests meant to test strength, honor and ability. It was high fashion to be a fighter in the arena.
It seems that many relationships have adopted that same concept: to the victor go the spoils. But, what are the spoils when you fight with your partner or spouse? In fact, everybody loses, especially if the fight is not on the level. There are places where fighting is not a good thing, and a disagreement between couples is one of them.
Danger Ahead
As the title implies, you could be heading for disaster if you treat your disagreements like prize fights. It is not a battle to the death or a championship bout. Both of you still have to function together as a couple after each conflict.
Many couples set themselves up for danger with preconceived notions. We’ve all had them: “I can love him enough to change him,” “We’ll never have a fight if we love each other.” Sound familiar?
Here’s a newsflash: Conflict is a part of life and it will be a part of your relationship. Thinking anything to the contrary can leave you feeling blindsided when the first harsh word comes out of your partner’s mouth. After the shock wears off you’ll be ready to fight. And, we all know how that will end: one person crying and hurt; one person brutally victorious.
When you start slinging mud, it’s bound to go everywhere and splatter everyone. Once those harsh words are spoken, there is no way to retrieve them. They have been heard and felt. It could be a deal-breaker in the end for your relationship. Does that sound like love or fair fighting to you?
When you start slinging mud, it’s bound to go everywhere and splatter everyone. Once those harsh words are spoken, there is no way to retrieve them. They have been heard and felt. It could be a deal-breaker in the end for your relationship. Does that sound like love or fair fighting to you?
Stay above the Belt
Disagreements will occur, so plan for them.
1. Know your partner – Each of us has individual quirks that drive our partner crazy. Know what they are and address them when they become a problem.
2. State your case clearly – If you feel like there is an issue with something your partner has said or done, let them know as soon as you can. Waiting only encourages more harsh feelings than there needs to be. Also, use words like “I” and “me” instead of making general sweeping statements about your partner that are derogatory and don’t get at the heart of the dilemma.
3. Talk about what is really going on – Have you ever noticed that some fights degenerate quickly into past history? If you are arguing about a recent purchase, don’t drag last year’s financial troubles into the conversation. That should have been resolved then. Now, it only muddies the waters.
4. Conclude it – Come to a conclusion and leave it at that. Don’t bring it up later.
Disagreements in a relationship can leave everyone feeling a bit frosty at times. Use fair tactics to end an argument amicably.
“Pleasure that is obtained by unreasonable and unsuitable cost, must always end in pain.”
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