Over There! Over There! – Surviving a Military Relationship

In wartime and peace, military personnel protect and defend our country on these shores as well as in foreign locations. While we are grateful for their service, it can be a long and hard wait for their loved ones at home. Maintaining a military relationship is not easy.

There have been wars across the globe throughout the 20^th century. Recently, the war in Iraq and deployments to neighboring countries has left many military families without one or both partners.

With the growth of technology, long distance relationships are on the rise. In 2005 alone, as many as 3.5 million people in the U.S. were involved in them. And this was usually due to the circumstances of the couple getting together: meeting at university, on vacation or at out-of-town meetings for work. About one-third of that number included military deployments. In more recent years, that number is probably higher.

All of this means that people are learning to live and love better at greater distances. But, what makes a military relationship different? For one, the distance is dictated by work but often in dangerous areas and with limited communication. And, it can last for a year or more.

Life doesn’t stop for military families. They have the same issues as regular families: bills, medical care, child care and the daily grind, but without the help of their partner. In many cases, the military pay isn’t all that great and spouses have to work and take care of the family. It can be a hectic life.

Keeping the Home Fires Burning

It won’t be easy, but military couples can make their relationship work with a lot of help and strength.

1. Have a strong support system – If you live in off-base housing, it can get lonely if you are in an area with no family around to help. It is a plus, but if not, join local groups for military spouses. Form a network that can benefit everyone involved as a way to vent your frustrations but also to assist each other when you need it. It may be worth considering a move closer to your family while your spouse is away.
2. Talk to your spouse or partner as often as you can – Use the telephone, video conferencing and email. When you just want to see their face, a video link can satisfy your need to make sure they are okay.
3. Deal with your feelings – It’s easy to blame your spouse for being away and then feeling guilty for doing so. Instead, find ways to relieve your stress like exercise, a movie or even daily meditation.
4. Visit when you can – This can be a goal to look forward to. All of your hard work will be rewarded when they come home, but a surprise visit in the interim can be icing on the cake.
5. Stay involved with others – Widen your circle of support and friends through volunteer work and church activities. It can keep your mind off of the distance.

Mutual love and trust can be bolstered by the above advice to help your military relationship stand the test of time.

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

-          Benjamin Franklin

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